How it Feels to be Artistic Me

Ever since I was little- around two or three- my Uncle Ben gave me my first 12 Crayola box of crayons. When he taught me how to hold it, that was when I started my "hobby" of drawing. At the time, it was only scribbles on paper but now, my ideas are coming to life.

I always try to keep a sketch book with me all the time to draw my ideas down if it is something that I see or what I think of. You never know when you will find inspiration. When I draw, I always try to think of something creative that no one else thought of.

When I was little, my mother taught me how to sew buttons onto a piece of left over blue fabric - she even got me a little cherry red sewing box that I will have today- filled with different colored thread, pieces of scrap fabrics, and unusual buttons. During October, I usually see my mother sewing my sister's and my costumes. Since the beginning of this year (actually ever since I was little) I really wanted to learn how to create costumes like my mother does. For the last few months, she has been teaching me the basics of sewing. The hardest part for me is to get out the pattern, cutting it, then iron without any water, just heat, making it sooth instead of wrinkled. Then pinning it to the fabric.

Another artistic thing that I do well is projects. Any project that I did in the past, I always did my research on the topic and did beyond what there other students did on what they call "basic" or normal". I went "the extra mile" to make mine that stood out from everyone else. Even at times, my teachers wanted to keep then and that's what makes mine unique.

Many people wouldn't call this artistic but it is: Any kind of Martial Arts. There are many types: Karate, Tae Kwan Do, Aikido, Judo, Ju Jitsu, etc. etc. etc. Martial Arts IS an art, it makes me to learn "the way" and you must practice. Martial Arts does not mean of what people mainly think of: people doing flying kicks to the throat, a person throwing another person over his shoulder to make their opponent fall on the floor in a daze, one simple hand grab that brings people to their edge of their mercy, one grab to the neck and there out cold . . . Yes Martial Arts do that but it means more than that. People also think its all male. That is not true, females can do it as well and in my way, its easier for a woman since there are smaller built and more flexible than a man but the man has more upper body strength. You MUST learn the material before you move onto another belt. People think its all about what rank you are, that is not the case. As a Martial Artist in training, I move from belt to belt a bit slower than most but I WILL know the material inside and out before moving on to the next rank.

EPT Question

"You only live once, now that this time, do what your heart desires but don't get your hopes up"- Elizabeth Prejean. If you read the following, you will know what I mean . . . "When (Michael) Jordan was cut from the (high school) varsity team, he was devastated. His mother says, "I told him to go back and discipline himself" (Dweck, Mindset Ch. 4). I agree with the point that Dweck is making because I used to do the same thing with my high school band. I can understand what he went through. 

Everyday since my freshmen year, I stayed after school from 3:15 until 6:00 or 7:00 at night all year, preparing for my second year. Before all of that in the summer . . . One month before school started . . . Band camp. We recruited new members and got started learning drill and music for the field show. Everyone got up at 6 in the morning at school EARLY, practice ended at 6 or 7, only getting one hour to eat for lunch. I had to admit, it was hard work and commitment but it paid off in the end.  

My second year, we did a field show based on our country- America. Whole being in band, I learned many ways that I could be with everyone as a whole and as an individual. I learned teamwork, that your job is just as important than everyone else's, make new friends, most of all . . . Have fun. Only of it could be lie that again . . . You can say it was "a once and a life time thing,"  it was. 

Now I am not in band, no it's not what you thought of what happened by getting kicked out . . . I had to make the best choice for my situation it was either 1) I stay in band when there is all new freshmen that doesn't know anything or 2) get myself out of there. I chose option 2. 

I realized for the last five years, I have been suffering and I am now free. 

Found Poem

Torture, Night and Day . . . Will it ever End? -From Night by Elie Wiesel, translated by Stella Rodway

'Fire! Fire!'

That's all I had heard on this trip from Czechoslovak to Auschwitz . . . 

The pain of her cries drowned herself in misery . . . Including mine 

When she yelled again, 'Look at the fire! Flames, flames everywhere . . .'

No one believed her . . . Not until a few nights later 

With everyone not believing her, her son did. 

The wagon had stopped, we have all arrived in the center of Auschwitz- Birkenau . . . 

Father and I had been sent to a camp in Poland called Buna . . . 

I had no idea what happened to Mom and Auntie, I tried to ask Father, he wouldn't say . . . 

Yesterday, I was with my family . . . 

Today, I'm only with my Father . . . The pain only started, the game is going to be played against the Nazi and Jewish . . .  

Let the games begin!

SS Doctors, tapping the pen along the clipboard, there could only be one thing . . . Our numbers

'We can begin!' As if this were a game to us . . .

It's matter of life and death at Buna and was about to get worse . . .  

Final Essay- The Last Chance to Pass

The accessibility of an Internet - created identity in many ways. People feel more free when they are online, maybe in real life they are being neglected or alone - no one to talk to. In the online world, you can be anyone you want to be.

In the article "After Egos in a Virtual World" by Ketzel Leuine, a person named Becky Glasure  and her avatar Slygion Physic in an online role playing game City of Heroes. "Maybe I just exclude it, I don't know. But I feel like I'm this short person with this squeaky little Filipino voice and no body want to pay attention." Glasure's first online game was Everquest and her avatar was female. But all everyone noticed were her pixel breasts . . . Fed up, she switched identities . . . She called him Stygion Physic - Stygion from the River Styx, Physic for healing. That's the closest thing she could get to "Bad Medicine" . . . with her changing avatar, her pleasure in the game changed. "When I play this big guy, everyone listens to me," she says. "Nobody argues with me. If there's a group people standing around, I say 'Okay, everyone follow me!' And they do. No questioned asked." (Levine, 135-136). What Gleasure is expressing in the real world, she is this small, weak woman but online, she is a strong man that everyone listens to. Before she changed her avatar, no one noticed her but her breast which that is what everyone thinks about, she thinks negatively about herself in the real world which no one should criticize.

A game designer named Celia Pearce has a different story that actually impacted on her friend's life that helped her . . . "For instance, I have a very close friend . . . She's kind of shy and extremely conscious of pleasing other people. When she came into the game, she took the character of a necromancer." In the game, a necromancer is the master of the dead." She begun to become much bolder,  stronger, and more assertive as a result of playing this character," Pearce adds. "And she was able to carry that over into her real-life interactions." (Levine, 137).

In some ways, it helps people improve on their daily lives. Personally, I play an online game that really helps me out with my issues at home and school. I made online friends (mostly male) that I can really trust even though we are complete strangers. I never give out my personal information. My online name that I use is Kyra Greenleaf. Race: Elf/ Demon. Age: unknown. Eye color: Icy cold blue that changes into blood red when I get mad or upset. Hair color for Hair color for Elf: Caramel brown with side braids and back is fishtail. Clothing for Demon: Black long sleeve shirt, slacks, sneakers. Clothing for Elf: Day- Forest green tunic, brown vest with brown pants, brown knee high boots. Night- Forest green tunic, brown vest with brown pants and forest green cloak. Occupation for both: Assassin. Weapons for Demon: Hand to hand and pistols. Weapons for Elf: Hidden twin Elvish daggers that are placed on my back underneath my clothing, bow and quiver, and hand to hand. Online, I am a fighter. I can do whatever I want.

When people go online and play these online games, it makes me feel free which I never get if I was at home or at school. Another place that I really feel freedom is with my best guy friend, Michael. He is the only one that really understands me and my problems.

All of my life, I never had what people called "Real friends". I made friends then a year later, we grow apart. It's been like this since I can remember. Right now my "friends" that I hang out with, they're really rude, I can't handle people who are like that. My mother taught me the way that I should speak, be kind, respectful to her, others, and myself, never curse . . . Another place that I USED to have freedom was band.

Within the last five years that I was in band, my last year of band was the most fun for me. It was really fun, it felt like family; everyone understood me and I was going through . . . then again, they were more advanced than me so I had to keep up with them on everything . . . learning drill, music, going to football games and competitions . . . it felt like home. I made some great memories that year with every single band member . . . two seniors that fought with each other 24/7 arguing but then made friends again within 10 minutes. My captain brought out "the pen" and all the seniors and the band teacher laughed while I was in COMPLETE denial, I thanked him later for that. At my first competition, a person from drum line and I were sleeping underneath the bleachers for a nap and my captain put his jacket over me since I had NO idea that I was supposed to bring one to these things . . . he let me keep it for the night.

The four years before that, it was also fun but it didn't feel right, people were being rude including many other things. This year when my band teacher left in 11th grade, I was mainly sad but I knew what was going on with her so everything worked out in the end- kind of. There is a new band teacher that really gives me and the other band members problems. The band teacher really doesn't say anything about games until the day before or the day of, criticize all women that is there, favor the men. It's based on "survival of the fittest" is the way I think about it but this person only saying good comments of the men and saying rude things about women, it’s not right. This is like getting the right to vote for women. We fought over 72 years to get the right to vote. Still in countries still don't have the right to vote today.    

            I was happy . . . the only place that I was happy besides being with my mother.

There are many places that I didn't feel free until now . . .  not being in band, doing what I was originally going to do, art.

 The Internet is in my opinion one of the best ways to relieve pain, just mainly to just be yourself.